I love staring at a vast ocean and getting tan but the pleasantries of beaching it stop there for me. The wind whips my hair in every direction and throws sand all over my towel. That sand then sticks to EVERY piece of my body. I walk on sand hotter than fire to rinse off. Then, I get to the ocean and it’s unbearably cold, the seashells cut up my feet, and there’s critters and seaweed floating around. I return to my sanctuary that is my beach chair to sip my water (or cocktail) and discover it’s piss warm and rendered undrinkable. I attempt to read my kindle for 10 minutes before it overheats and I sit there bored, hot, sweaty, tired, and looking like a dog attacked me.
BUT, a day at the beach doesn’t need to be that miserable.
Dos and Don’ts to Actually Enjoy the Beach
Getting brown spots: One bad day at the beach and I’ve got a cluster of brown spots gracing my forehead for eternity.
Walking barefoot down the beach: I hop like a rabbit down the beach screaming “ahhh, I’m walking on fire!”
Leaving hair down: At the end of the day my hair looks like I brushed it with a grenade and it’s going to take me 3 hours to comb out.
Reading on a Kindle: I get through 10 minutes of Girl on the Train before it shuts down from over heating or loss of battery.
Sipping out of a water bottle: It starts boiling after 15 minutes (well almost). So much for refreshing.
Bringing a towel to sit on: Within minutes of laying my towel down, it’s covered in sand and curling over.
Sunglass Tan: I love my sunnies so my nose always burns and there’s a white border around my eyes. Can we also talk about that time I lost my Guccis to a battle with the Atlantic. That was a sad day for me #RIPGucci
Wear a hat: Hats are not my thang. But, I now wear it to the beach every time. It protects against 2 botches – brown spots & grenade hair. I got a cute baseball cap from Pacific Sun.
Move faster: I really have no idea how to avoid that hot sand. I try to walk in flip flops but that just throws sand all over me. My advice… RUN. I guess that’s my cue to get to the gym.
Detangler is your friend: This serves 2 purposes. It protects your hair from the sun and also stops that grenade hair.
Read a real book: This is the only time I buy a paperback. You could probably borrow from the library too. #oldfashioned
Wear sunnies with caution: Wear these only when you’re moving around and remove while tanning or frolicking in the ocean.
Look stylish while ensuring no loss of sunnies Buy from Sintillia a sunglass strap that resembles body jewelry as opposed to clunky grandma straps.
Buy a bubba mug: The bubba mug promises to keep cold stuff cold for up to 12 hours! And size does matter here – no need to run across that hot sand for a refill!
MAN AM I A DIVA. I can’t believe I just wrote a whole post about hating the beach. These tips and tricks make it much more bearable. Now can someone find me a pool to jump into?